"Fearless"

Around the time of New Year 2011, I was shuffling through ideas of resolutions. I think I decided something arbitrary, like to bite my nails less (which I still do) or run more (which I still don't) and wrote it on a piece of paper and put it up in the lobby of Templin, where I lived. At the time, I was harboring a secret love for the song "Fearless" by Taylor Swift, and while listening to it about 89459385 times a day, I realized the reason it stuck with me so much:

Taylor and I, as 20-something females, have grown up in worlds of relative comfort. Sometimes I feel like most of the problems I have were invented to give myself something to worry about, but in reality, the world (all of it, but especially mine, graciously) is a beautiful, vibrant place, filled with experiences and people and places. I can't let my pseudo-worries stop me from living fully in it.

So, the real resolution, in that I've carried in my back pocket on my adventures thus far: be fearless. Climb the tree in Monteverde. Fly to New York City on a whim. Climb the rock wall, go snorkeling. Apply for study abroad, even if you're not sure you're mature enough, or whatever. Everything. If it scares you, what that really means is now you have to do it.

Disappointingly, after this incident, I'm having more trouble with this conviction. I know my fear of walking around Sabanilla, bringing schoolwork out of the house, parked cars, all men, etc., is a lot more rational than jumping off the dock on Catalina Island, but I still want to dig my heel and crush it until the fire is just embers. I can keep the caution that accompanies, but I will not let the fear keep me from soaking in every inch of this country, eyes wide, incredulous.

On a more whimsical note, I've translated all the places I go into English to make them sound less intimidating.

I live in "Saint Joseph," in the country of "Rich Coast."
I live in "Goose Mountain" county, in the city of "Alter Cloth."
I take the "Alter Cloth" bus to the part of town where my university is, "Saint Peter."

Doesn't everything sound better?


Really though. Thanks for the inspiration, Tay. In summary, I read this the other day blog surfing and it has really stuck with me: this will not be me.

"I thought of how different I was a year or two ago, what I dreamed then and wanted and believed about the future. I didn’t say it aloud but I felt the thoughts punching my chest: I should have been braver. I should have done it alone. I made so many mistakes. How terrible it is to sit with the knowledge of the ways you’ve made yourself less because you were afraid."